Teen Witch Blu-ray Review: You Can’t Top That

Before HBO had 15 channels, there were certain movies that just seemed like they were always on. And whenever you were flipping channels, it would always be the same scene. Back in the ’80s, every time I dipped by HBO, it was the “Top That” rap battle scene from Teen Witch. Now that Kino Lorber put out a Teen Witch Blu-ray, it’s time to watch the whole thing.Teen Witch Blu-ray

The picture is perfect. Teen Witch now looks like a real movie, not just something you stumble across on cable. Those pastel ’80s fashions are as loud as the rap, and Robin Lively’s lovely red hair is also bright on Blu-ray. I love it in the big frizzy ’80s do, and she’s on fleek when she goes glam rock star.

I was pleased to hear more rap that preceded the “Top That” scene. It’s so damn ’80s. The cheerleaders do a musical in the locker room! Top that, Glee. There’s one person in the locker room. Who are they doing this for? This movie is so adorable I want to give everyone in it a hug, even the bitchy cheerleaders. They’re just plying the roles society expects them to.

This seems to be the perfect time for a special edition because I don’t think the stars would have appreciated how much Teen Witch meant to people decades ago. Robin Lively is so genuine and grateful, she’s sincerely doing this for the fans. Dan Gauthier recounts his entire career including getting free room and board to protect Deborah Harmon from the Night Stalker! Lisa Fuller only does four minutes, but in the same location as Gauthier because they got married off Teen Witch! Mandy Ingber gets really real. There’s connections to Rebecca Schaeffer and Robert Blake. Larry and Tom Weir talk about the music.

Director Dorian Walker is not included. Perhaps he was not as enthusiastic about the cult following. It’s best they don’t invite anyone to harsh the buzz.

With four actors on the commentary, including Joshua Miller, they relate all their experiences with fan culture, including a drag show and celebrity fans Hank Azaria and Andrew Rannells. It’s a bit more focused than The Goonies commentary because there’s only four, but they try to answer fan questions. They play truth or dare and Mandy picks dare. They must be at Gauthier’s house because they say Lisa is in the other room not on commentary.

So now I finally get the obsession with Teen Witch. I propose they do a dark and gritty reboot. Call it Teen Vvitch.

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